Some will say that they have guilty pleasures. I have no such things. I wear every single lousy piece of shit that I like proudly on my sleeve. This even includes the “Police Academy” franchise.

The third sequel, epidemic “Citizens On Patrol”, is vaguely cooler than all the rest, not only because it’s got bit parts played by Sharon Stone, David Spade (even though technically that’s NEVER a cool thing, but whatever) and a returning appearance by my childhood infatuation, Bobcat Goldthwait — but also because it’s the only film in the series with one of those retardo soundtracks larded with nonstop pop pap.

But the soundtrack doesn’t just have any ol’ pap! You’ve got Michael Winslow (the “Police Academy” dude who makes the sound effects with his mouth) awkwardly schtick-ing his way through a truly unfunny funky rap number, you’ve got the barrel-bottom-scraping fist-pumping anthem “Shoot For The Top” by some faceless group of studio hacks called Southern Pacific, you’ve got the sub-Bobby Brown warble of Garry Glenn on “Winning Streak”, the mustard gas-style incapacitation of Chico DeBarge’s ultimate inanity “I Like My Body” — and one of the weirdest Beach Boys-related rarities I can think of, the Brian Wilson solo track “Let’s Go To Heaven In My Car”.

You’ve been forewarned: “Let’s Go To Heaven In My Car” sounds deceptively normal at first, but its skull-peeling chorus will remain forever etched in your psyche, slowly slicing its way through a self-inflicted nest of festering, continuously reopening scars:

Let’s go to heaven in my car/
I wanna drive you there too-night/
Let’s go to heaven in my car/
We won’t be stoppin’ for red lights!

Various Artists – “Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol” soundtrack (ZIP file)

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  1. Jake says:

    This is awesome. I used to have this cassette when I was a kid. My brother and I found the case and then spent hours trying to find the actual tape to no avail. Thanks.

  2. some dude says:

    dude, i love you so hard right now!

  3. Hamburgerhead says:

    I told my friend that I wasn’t sure if listening to Genesis was a guilty pleasure or not. I honestly like it, and yeah they were inducted to the rock and roll hall of fame, but my friends don’t really like Genesis and neither do most of their friends! (maybe I just need new friends!)…

    My friend told me he was nervous that his coworkers would catch him listening to (“Take Me Home” by) Phil Collins. And, at that moment when he panicked, he’d realized that he now understood the meaning of the term “guilty pleasure”: when you’d be scared and embarrassed if you were caught doing what you’re doing.

    Frankly, I think it’d be cool if I got caught listening to the Police Academy 4 soundtrack!

    Thanks for consistently interesting, challenging, amazing posts.

  4. Mr. Britt says:

    Thanks so much! I’m a big Brian Wilson fan and was hoping to find the film version of ‘Let’s Go To Heaven In My Car’ in mp3 format. It’s different on the single, and different on the 2000 re-release of his 1988 solo debut album.

  5. Porteño says:

    This record brings blurred memories back when I was into collecting casettes of soundtracks. That’s how I started buying records, well actually mommy bought ‘em for me, as I was a little kid. I don’t remember PA4 at all, but that cover art, oh yeah…This is the weirdest deja vu I’ve had in years. Thanks.

  6. Mosh-man says:

    You’re the king!
    Been searching for this for a few days, and finally found it in great quality.
    Thanks a lot, brings lots of good memories.