Bad link fixed, July 31st, 7:15PM PST
POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE (1989)
Itâ€™s hard to defend this film, so I wonâ€™t bother. I know itâ€™s total shit, but for an inexplicable reason I have a soft spot for the backwards, drooling simpleton of a franchise known as â€œPolice Academyâ€. This clip perfectly explains why; here we have Lt. Hightower (Bubba Smith) and the mousey Sgt. Hooks (Marion Ramsey) questioning a coupla street performer MCs about the whereabouts of a suspectâ€¦or something. The MCs respond in rhyme, so Hightower and Hooks reply backâ€¦in rhymeâ€¦or something. The rhythm of the way the sequence is edited is so poor that none of the four actors by the end of the scene are on beat.
DEATH PROMISE (1977)
What is there to say about â€™70s kung fu cinema that hasnâ€™t already been said â€” except that itâ€™s nearly impossible to stop watching any picture that opens with a piece of audio like this! As they say in the song itself, â€œThatâ€™s a promise! Thatâ€™s a promiseâ€¦â€
PRIVATE DUTY NURSES (1971)
George Armitage (â€Grosse Point Blankâ€, â€œMiami Bluesâ€) wrote and the directed this above-average sexploitationer for Roger Corman in â€˜71 as a quick sequel to Cormanâ€™s enormously successful â€œThe Student Nursesâ€ (1970). Itâ€™s full of the usual catty bickering and sexcapades one would expect from a bunch of young women in the nursing profession, but during a â€œpartyâ€ sequence, thereâ€™s also this snappy foot-stomper by an uncredited rock bandâ€¦
PERFECT STRANGERS (1984)
Plot outline: A pulpy, stylish thriller about a Mafia hit man who falls for the mother of the two-year-old witness to one of his contract slayings.
Writer-director Larry Cohen is drunk on cinema, which would explain why a great deal of his movies (“The Stuff”, “Bone”, “God Told Me To”, “Q: The Winged Serpent”, “It’s Alive”) are so hazy. â€œPerfect Strangersâ€ abounds with boozy, staggering energy, whipping along at a brisk pace, without any time for you, the viewer, to ever say to yourself â€œGee, wasnâ€™t that plot point awfully fucked!â€ Aiding and abetting in this glorious mess are a few original songs by Michael Minard, who also did the music for Cohenâ€™s â€œSpecial Effectsâ€ (which also came out in 1984 right alongside â€œPerfect Strangersâ€.)
BLOOD AND CONCRETE: A LOVE STORY (1991)
We know that Jennifer Beals can dance, as evidenced in â€” well, â€œFlashdanceâ€, of course, but did you know that she could also croon? â€œBlood And Concreteâ€ is an oddity from that great period of American independent film, the pre-Tarantino/post-Soderbergh late â€™80s/early â€™90s where quirkiness wasnâ€™t simply just a required means to an end, a period that also includes â€œMotoramaâ€, â€œRubin and Edâ€ and â€œSonny Boyâ€.
AUTHOR, AUTHOR (1982)
Plot outline: While facing the stress of his play being produced on Broadway, a playwright (Al Pacino) deals with having to raise his sons, his stepdaughters and his sonsâ€™ friend.
Iâ€™m gonna guess that Pacinoâ€™s agent, after having his client appear in the ultra-lurid gay thriller â€œCruisingâ€, thought it best for Alâ€™s career if the actor were to suddenly leap from exploitation to family-friendly fare. Whatever the case may be, â€œAuthor, Authorâ€ is the height of â€™80s cinematic banality, and Pacinoâ€™s participation in it is more shocking than anything shown on-screen during â€œCruisingâ€. The greatest insult may be the filmâ€™s end credits song, â€œComing Home To Youâ€, which is â€œsungâ€ by Michael Franks; upon listening to this song, you get the distinct impression that Mr. Franks had never uttered a note in his life before stepping in front of the mic to record it, for it is just a wretched, wretched performance. The lyrics donâ€™t help, either. I do enjoy those wildly out-of-place disco drum pad noises that wander in from time to time, though â€“